Don’t take me out to the ballgame

By Sarah Burns ’19

Bryce Harper started off the 2016 baseball season press frenzy with a hat that read, “Make Baseball Fun Again.” Harper has been a boisterous advocate for bringing fans back to baseball and getting the audience involved. I hate to break it to you Bryce, but it’s too late for that.

According to the Wall Street Journal an average of 30,345 people attend a Major League Baseball game. Compare that to the National Football League where an average of 68,776 people attend a game. So on quantitative data alone, baseball is only half as good as football. Hey don’t hate me, hate the Wall Street Journal, or hate yourselves for not attending more baseball games.

The American public is getting bored with baseball. There is a reason baseball is America’s PAST-time. Past as in, in the past. Past as in, it should stay there. The game of baseball is outdated and doesn’t appear to the new millennial fans.

Baseball games last longer than church does for a rambunctious 5-year old. An eternity.

You sit there and wait for something to happen like the 25.2% chance a player will hit the ball. That doesn’t mean there will be a score though. And while you are sitting there, you will have to deal with that one fan right behind you that has one too many Bud Lites and decides that he can see better from the upper deck than the umpire can right behind the plate. So he proceeds to yell his alcohol infested breath over your head to the umpire at least 100 yards away. Like that is going to change his mind.

If offense in the MLB doesn’t cut it, maybe defense does. Fans get excited when their team turns a double play, but with the arm strength (I.E. steroid strength) that today’s players have now, a double play has become a predictable play. According to ESPN, all 30 teams in the MLB in 2015 grounded out into at least 108 double plays . After the 100th double play, I assume fans would become accustomed to this.

Fans drive to the stadium to see a game, but that’s not even a guarantee in baseball. Mother Nature even shows her dislike of baseball when she makes it rain. For those of you who don’t know, when it rains, baseball games get postponed or even cancelled. Hey MLB team owners, why don’t you make all your stadiums have covers on them? Ya know, so games don’t get cancelled and the few fans you have can actually watch the game.

Baseball is so boring that ESPN baseball commentators are still talking about the fight between Jose Bautista and Rougned Odor that happened on Sunday. It’s Tuesday. I don’t blame those commentators though, I mean if I had to talk about baseball every day for the rest of my life, I would get excited over a one-punch fight as well.

So Bryce Harper, I’m sorry but stop trying to make baseball fun again. It’s not going to happen. I don’t blame you though. If I were making $7.5 million I would want baseball to stay around for a while too.

Categories: Other, Sports

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